Coping vs. Conquering

Throughout our lives, we are all going to be dealt our fair share of challenges. There are two ways that we deal with obstacles. We either cope with them and constantly bend to accommodate this challenge or we conquer them and make them our bitch!

It is absolutely realistic and helpful to accept the fact that everything in life won't be easy and that we will most definitely have to endure some hardship to achieve wonderful things in life, but that doesn't mean that we have to approach hardships by bending to accommodate them, because then we are not doing anything to change the situation we are in. So, we can be forever accommodating and constantly shape-shifting to fit into whatever mold is necessary to work around the obstacle, or we can break the mold and say, "No, that doesn't work for me. I'm doing it my way!" We can stand our ground and stay solid and strong. We have the power to change our environment, to shift our situation, to make things work the way that we want them to or need them to. It is important to find harmony with those around you and to respect the needs of others, but that doesn't mean you constantly have to sacrifice your own needs and bend yourself into a pretzel to make others happy. 

Here is a fun exercise to help you identifying what you are currently coping with:

Make a list of everything you do during the day for the next 3 or 4 days. Then reflect on your list and decide which activities you do because you "want to" and which activities you do because you feel like you "should" or because you feel like you "must". Make 3 separate columns titled "Want To Do", "Should Do" and "Must Do" and list all of your activities from the past few days in these columns based on how you feel and why you do them.

Once you start reflecting on these things, it may become more clear to you that you don't actually have to do most of the things from your "Must Do" column and you might find even more of those from your "Should Do" column.

Find ways to gradually start doing less things from your "shoulds" and "musts" and more things from your "wants". Obviously, things like brushing your teeth or paying bills or taxes are all things that we don't want to do, but probably should to avoid some negative consequences. But there are going to be plenty of things on your list that you have the power to change! Find a way.

So, what is it going to be? Are you coping or are you conquering? It's up to you. You have the power. Use it. Don't let it go to waste.

"There is a road, no simple highway

Between the dawn and the dark of night

And if you go, no one may follow

That path is for your steps alone..."

-Grateful Dead, "Ripple"

Celebrate Your Progress!

Personal growth is something that doesn't happen overnight. We spend months and, sometimes, even years working towards a single goal and after we lose that initial flare of passion, it is normal to plateau. Sometimes we lose sight of our original goal or start to feel like we're just spinning our tires and not really going anywhere. I think this happens more often when we forget to record and reflect on the milestones that we have achieved while in pursuit of an ultimate goal. It can feel like we are just floating through space, completely untethered. 

We must keep a constant and clear vision of what we want to accomplish, but it is equally as important to remember what we have already achieved, because you deserve to be proud of all of the work you have been putting in towards achieving your dreams!

So, what constitutes as a milestone? How do we know when we have reached one?

You get to decide for yourself what counts as a milestone for you, but the way to figure this out is by writing down your ultimate goal (examples include earning a degree in Anthropology or losing 15 pounds) and then breaking down that goal into realistic and concrete steps you will achieve on the way. Then decide ahead of time how you will celebrate these achievements. Remember that it's okay to reward yourself. You've been working so hard and you've come so far!

Using my examples from above, if your goal is to earn a degree, then you can celebrate each time you pass a class or you can even celebrate each time you pass a test in one of your classes to keep yourself constantly motivated and focused on your goal! If you want to lose 15 pounds, then reward yourself for every 5 pounds lost, but remember to be proud of each and every single pound that you lose! Even losing just one pound is one step closer to your goal!

You can celebrate by treating yourself to that book or dress or piece of art that you have been admiring online for months now! You can invite your friends and family to go somewhere fun so they can celebrate with you and share your achievements! How you reward yourself is completely up to you, but remember to decide what your milestones are and to reward yourself often enough that you are not losing sight of the ultimate prize and getting discouraged from a perceived lack of progress.

Always remember that even if you haven't reached the finish line yet, you are still achieving great things right at this very moment if you are working towards a goal. Don't lose sight of your dreams! Celebrate how far you've come!