The Key To Happiness

We all have the ability to frame our lives in a positive or negative light. Depending on which one you choose as your focus, life can seem like a nightmare or a dream. Your brain is built to locate and recognize patterns and it is constantly scanning your environment to find information that is consistent with what you believe to be true. So whether you think your life is a nightmare or a dream, either way you are right. Your brain is going to find what it is searching for. If you believe, for example, that the universe is working against you, that people are unkind, that the world is a cruel place, then you will undoubtedly find evidence to corroborate this everywhere you look. Likewise, if you believe that people are generally good and kind, that there is always hope, that the world is a safe place and that life is like a dream, then you will be primed to find hidden beauty wherever you go.

So, I am proposing that the one true key to happiness is staying fully present in the here and now and approaching these moments with a positive attitude.

That's it. That's all there is to being truly happy. It's that simple! 

I know, I know...easier said than done right? But with some practice and patience, you can build the habit of being fully present in your life and you can free yourself from the stranglehold of anxiety and fear. Think of how many moments you have missed in your life because you were preoccupied with worries about the future or the past. How many smiles, laughs, and sunsets did you fail to notice because you were thinking about that big test coming up or that bill you still have to pay or because you were angry and stewing about something that happened to you yesterday or maybe even weeks ago?

Every time you allow yourself to worry, the fact is you are not here in the present. When we are anxious about something, we are focused on either the past or the future, not the here and now. Anxiety is completely natural. It's a survival mechanism that we humans have to keep ourselves safe from possible harmful situations. But sometimes this ancient mechanism is triggered in situations that no longer serve us and can keep us paralyzed with fear and worry. If we can learn to recognize that our machinery is a little bit outdated, we can then override this system with positivity and logic.

Jude Bijou's book, "Attitude Reconstruction", is an excellent read on this topic. I have mentioned this book before in my posts, and I refer to it once again because it is a wonderful reference for dealing with negative beliefs and emotions. It is a must read for anyone who would like to improve their emotional intelligence and learn how to express their emotions in a healthy manner. 

What are some things we can do to stay fully present in the here and now? 

Kinetic activities like dancing and yoga can help us to cultivate a stronger connection to our bodies. 

Practicing mindfulness and meditating can teach us how to let those distracting thoughts and worries just float on by without giving them any energy. Mindfulness can also help us learn to pull our attention to the present and it can rewire our brains to start doing this naturally with enough practice. 

Simple things like going for a walk in nature, noticing trees and flowers. Paying attention to the little things and being grateful that you are there.

Starting a gratitude journal can help us to think in a more positive way and to notice these little things.

Finally, just simply breathing and paying attention to your breath is a tiny change that can make a huge difference in your life. Focus on your breath as you inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Fill your lungs as much as possible and try to notice how it feels to take it all in. If you are being distracted by worrisome thoughts, just let them go as you exhale and keep breathing until you are only focused on your breath. You can do this over and over again for as long as you need to get into this habit. It takes some practice at first to start clearing your mind, but eventually it becomes a natural state of being. 

Change doesn't always happen overnight. But by making just one of these simple changes to your lifestyle and practicing daily, you can attain freedom from worry and fear if you fully commit. 

You can be here.

Guts

* Disclaimer: The information in this article is simply the author’s opinion and should not be used as a substitute for professional health and/or medical advice.

Today I want to stress the importance of a healthy gut and its impact on your mood.

Commonly referred to as the “second brain”, the human gastrointestinal tract is the only organ that has an entirely separate nervous system (called the enteric nervous system). Also, contrary to what we used to believe, about 95% of your body’s serotonin is produced in your gut, along with hundreds of other beneficial neurochemicals. Maintaining the proper amount of these chemicals helps to keep your mood balanced and also influences the activity of your digestive system. A proper balance of the bacteria in your gut is essential to producing enough of these neurochemicals. When this system is thrown out of balance, it can cause anxiety, depression, mood swings, fatigue, and a host of other negative symptoms.

In 2011 there was a study published in "Gastroenterology", which strongly suggested a correlation between high levels of harmful bacteria in mice and increased anxiety, timidity and shyness. BALB/c mice are a strain of rodents who tend to be timid and shy. They were given a round of antibiotics, which severely lowered the level of harmful bacteria in their system and soon their behavior dramatically changed. The normally shy and somewhat fearful mice were becoming adventurous and even bold, according to the researchers who carried out the study. Scientists also discovered increased levels of brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) in the hippocampus of the mice. BDNF is known to facilitate neural connections and affects memory and mood.

Soon after the mice were taken off the antibiotic regimen, they reverted back to their timid and cautious ways. Their brain chemistry also reverted back to its normal state. More studies will be absolutely essential in order to determine if this pattern will hold up in humans, who retain a much larger variety of bacteria in their gut, but it definitely looks promising!

One way to feed the good bacteria in our digestive system is to add raw, organic apple cider vinegar (with the “mother”) to our diet. ACV is a prebiotic, which means it is basically food for the healthy flora in your gut, helping to keep their population up.  You can take a tablespoon a day with water or you can add it to your food and make it into a salad dressing or just toss some right on your salad with a little bit of olive oil. Just keep from heating it up to avoid killing all of the enzymes.

Besides apple cider vinegar, what foods can we eat to facilitate the growth of good bacteria in our gut? According to the Physician’s Committee for Responsible Medicine, the following plant-based foods are most helpful:

Bananas keep the microbes in the bacterial community balanced and contain high levels of potassium and magnesium.

Jerusalem Artichokes are high in Inulin, which ferments into healthy microflora.
 *these can be unpleasant for people with sensitive digestive tracts

Cruciferous Vegetables contain glucosinolates, which release beneficial chemicals that reduce inflammation and the risk of several different types of cancer after being broken down by microbes in the gut.

Polenta is full of insoluble fiber, which ferments into several strands of gut flora.

Blueberries can help diversify the bacteria in our gut, which in turn increases immune system health.

Legumes cause the release of short-chain fatty acids, which improve the health of your intestinal cells. They also increase micronutrient absorption and they are full of fiber, protein, B vitamins, and folate which all help to maintain a healthy GI tract.

Lastly, fermented plant-based foods, such as sauerkraut, kimchi, tempeh, and soy sauce are full of probiotics that directly introduce healthy live microorganisms, which will crowd out unhealthy bacteria and increase the absorption of minerals.

So, there you have it folks! Keep those bellies happy and you most certainly can pave the way to a better mood and sense of well-being!

Coping vs. Conquering

Throughout our lives, we are all going to be dealt our fair share of challenges. There are two ways that we deal with obstacles. We either cope with them and constantly bend to accommodate this challenge or we conquer them and make them our bitch!

It is absolutely realistic and helpful to accept the fact that everything in life won't be easy and that we will most definitely have to endure some hardship to achieve wonderful things in life, but that doesn't mean that we have to approach hardships by bending to accommodate them, because then we are not doing anything to change the situation we are in. So, we can be forever accommodating and constantly shape-shifting to fit into whatever mold is necessary to work around the obstacle, or we can break the mold and say, "No, that doesn't work for me. I'm doing it my way!" We can stand our ground and stay solid and strong. We have the power to change our environment, to shift our situation, to make things work the way that we want them to or need them to. It is important to find harmony with those around you and to respect the needs of others, but that doesn't mean you constantly have to sacrifice your own needs and bend yourself into a pretzel to make others happy. 

Here is a fun exercise to help you identifying what you are currently coping with:

Make a list of everything you do during the day for the next 3 or 4 days. Then reflect on your list and decide which activities you do because you "want to" and which activities you do because you feel like you "should" or because you feel like you "must". Make 3 separate columns titled "Want To Do", "Should Do" and "Must Do" and list all of your activities from the past few days in these columns based on how you feel and why you do them.

Once you start reflecting on these things, it may become more clear to you that you don't actually have to do most of the things from your "Must Do" column and you might find even more of those from your "Should Do" column.

Find ways to gradually start doing less things from your "shoulds" and "musts" and more things from your "wants". Obviously, things like brushing your teeth or paying bills or taxes are all things that we don't want to do, but probably should to avoid some negative consequences. But there are going to be plenty of things on your list that you have the power to change! Find a way.

So, what is it going to be? Are you coping or are you conquering? It's up to you. You have the power. Use it. Don't let it go to waste.

"There is a road, no simple highway

Between the dawn and the dark of night

And if you go, no one may follow

That path is for your steps alone..."

-Grateful Dead, "Ripple"

Celebrate Your Progress!

Personal growth is something that doesn't happen overnight. We spend months and, sometimes, even years working towards a single goal and after we lose that initial flare of passion, it is normal to plateau. Sometimes we lose sight of our original goal or start to feel like we're just spinning our tires and not really going anywhere. I think this happens more often when we forget to record and reflect on the milestones that we have achieved while in pursuit of an ultimate goal. It can feel like we are just floating through space, completely untethered. 

We must keep a constant and clear vision of what we want to accomplish, but it is equally as important to remember what we have already achieved, because you deserve to be proud of all of the work you have been putting in towards achieving your dreams!

So, what constitutes as a milestone? How do we know when we have reached one?

You get to decide for yourself what counts as a milestone for you, but the way to figure this out is by writing down your ultimate goal (examples include earning a degree in Anthropology or losing 15 pounds) and then breaking down that goal into realistic and concrete steps you will achieve on the way. Then decide ahead of time how you will celebrate these achievements. Remember that it's okay to reward yourself. You've been working so hard and you've come so far!

Using my examples from above, if your goal is to earn a degree, then you can celebrate each time you pass a class or you can even celebrate each time you pass a test in one of your classes to keep yourself constantly motivated and focused on your goal! If you want to lose 15 pounds, then reward yourself for every 5 pounds lost, but remember to be proud of each and every single pound that you lose! Even losing just one pound is one step closer to your goal!

You can celebrate by treating yourself to that book or dress or piece of art that you have been admiring online for months now! You can invite your friends and family to go somewhere fun so they can celebrate with you and share your achievements! How you reward yourself is completely up to you, but remember to decide what your milestones are and to reward yourself often enough that you are not losing sight of the ultimate prize and getting discouraged from a perceived lack of progress.

Always remember that even if you haven't reached the finish line yet, you are still achieving great things right at this very moment if you are working towards a goal. Don't lose sight of your dreams! Celebrate how far you've come!

3 Ways To Transform Your Life For Free (Starting Right Now!)

1. Create a Mantra and Repeat It Every Day!
        
A mantra is a short and powerful statement of affirmation that you should repeat to yourself on a daily basis, preferably when you first start your day and also before you go to sleep. Your personal mantra should be motivational, positive and encouraging. It can be a powerful tool to aid in meditation as you repeat the same affirmation to yourself over and over, eventually integrating this positive way of thinking into your subconscious and helping to change negative thoughts and beliefs. Your mantra can be as simple as "Today, I choose happiness." or "I am confident and free to be me". It is whatever you choose and aim to be! 

Remember that your mantra doesn't have to reflect something that you already are. You can fake it 'till you make it, as they say! Your mind is like a muscle. The more you repeat certain thoughts, the stronger those pathways will become in your brain and, pretty soon, you will be utilizing those thoughts naturally, without so much as a second thought! So find some quiet time, listen to the positive thoughts that are emanating from within you or think of some positive thoughts that you would like to emanate from within you, write them down, and then try to create a short and powerful statement from those thoughts that feels right for you.

My favorite mantra is from the incredible book, Attitude Reconstruction by Jude Bijou:  

"I'll do what I can and the rest is out of my hands."
 
Here are some links to several great examples of personal mantras to give you some ideas...


http://inspiremetoday.com/blog/top-10-daily-mantras-to-get-you-going/

http://happyblackwoman.com/inspiring-personal-mantras/ 


2. Create a Vision Board on Pinterest!

Creating a vision board (sometimes called a dream board) can help you to hone in on what it is you really desire. One of the first tasks that I give my clients is to make a vision board on Pinterest, using photos that represent goals and dreams that they want to achieve. Then, I instruct them to look at their board every single day so those images always stay fresh in their minds. Your vision board can focus on all the areas in your life as a whole or you can choose to focus on one specific area of importance to you. The most important part is to have fun and to dream big! Looking at your vision board every day is just as important as creating it in the first place. When you keep those images fresh in your mind, you are constantly reminding yourself of your goals and dreams and you are utilizing the law of attraction to obtain what you want!

 Find Your Wings and Fly Free!

Signing up on Pinterest is free and once you are logged in, doing a quick search for vision boards can help to give you some examples of what others are doing if you'd like some ideas!

Here is a link to my own personal dream board...

https://www.pinterest.com/runawaydna/vision-board/

3. Go Outside!

Yes, that's right...all you have to do is get up off the couch or out of your chair at the desk and walk right out the front door. Forget about Facebook and Twitter, forget about your emails, forget whatever crazy drama is going on in the news today, and remember that you can consciously choose to focus on something positive and you deserve to take a few minutes every day to be truly and consciously present! So go to the park, go for a walk through your neighborhood, watch some birds and literally stop to smell the flowers! Why? Because flowers are beautiful and they are incredible creations of Mother Nature and they deserve to be appreciated, just like you! My husband and I try to take some time to get outside every day, even if it is just a short ten or fifteen minute walk with the dogs! Sometimes, we just take our lunch to the park and listen to the birds while we eat. It is so nice to break up the work day with a quick picnic in the sunshine!

Here is a photo of what I call the Hobbit Path at Alvarado Park in Richmond from last week!

  So, these are all things that you can do for free every day and adding these things to your daily routine can make an incredibly huge impact on your physical and mental health! You don't have to spend a bunch of money to change your life! From now on, take time every day to repeat your mantra, look at your vision board, and take a walk outside! 

You can do this! You deserve this! I believe in you!

The Day That My Life Changed Forever...

In the spring of 2010, I was just 20 years old and was living in quirky Berkeley, California. I was late for work, so I rushed out of my house and scurried across the street to the Ashby BART station. Realizing that I was already 15 minutes late, I decided to stop and have a smoke in the parking lot, saying to myself, "Fuck it, you're already late, what's 5 more minutes?". 

Even though I am no longer a smoker, I am glad that I was then, if only because of the single happenstance that occurred that day. I was approached by a rather rude woman who asked for a cigarette (she happened to be the third person to ask me for one that day) and I told her that I didn't have any left. Then, I was approached by a man of dashing Irish quality wearing a softball jersey that said Green Jays across the chest. He said, "I heard you tell that woman that you didn't have any smokes, but just in case you do, I have a quarter for you in exchange for one." I gave him a cigarette, but refused the quarter, thanking him for his gesture. He said his name was Moses. We talked for several minutes. I told him I was new to the area. He said he would love to show me around sometime. I took a chance and gave him my number and got on the train with a huge smile on my face.

We sent text messages back and forth as the day progressed and even on that first day, there were signs that we were meant to be. I told him that I had a Boston Terrier named Monster. Then he says to me, "You're kidding, right? I have a dog named Zombie."

(Zombie and Monster, BFF's forever!)

For our first date, we went to the lower end of Wildcat Canyon and went hiking with both of our dogs. Since that day in Spring, I have been caught up in a whirlwind of romance and excitement and I wouldn't change it for the world. Since then, we have moved to the El Sobrante hills and reside in our peaceful shangri-la by the Bay, where we rejoice in the wonders of love and the universe!

(Moses at the top of Wildcat Canyon)

We were married on August 31, 2013. That was the second best day of my life, next to the day we met. I am brought to tears on a regular basis when I think about the depth of our passion. The impact that he has made on the way I see the world and the way I see myself is too complex for words. He taught me how to love myself, as well as others. Every day he shows me that the impossible is actually completely possible if you just have faith and stay positive. I will forever be in awe of him and all that he is.

Who...Me?!?

Hi there! Name's Mel. I believe in positivity, creativity and longevity. I'm a Wellness Coach based in the East Bay, California and I started this blog so I could help others stay positive and feel empowered to have the life that they have always dreamed of!